Someone
had said something derogatory to me earlier. I chose not to stoop to
his level. Instead, I just told myself that they are the kind of
people who were the reason I am the way I am today. The ones who
taught me how to be strong, stand up for myself and fight for what I
believe in. We fight for our own battles, this one can only be won
by me.
After
hearing that snide remark, I had that sense of peace come over me. I
felt no hate nor fear. I just felt sorry for the guy. Having a
narrow mind and a closed off perception is a disease common to
insensitive, foolish pricks. I came to the realization that I really
don’t care what this person just said. Why? Because I don’t know
him and have no plans of knowing him. He’s a stranger to me who
just happen to have an acute even malignant sensibility. He is
nothing to me. A nobody, who’s of no use or importance to me. If
it were like 10-15 years ago, it might have hurt a lot. I might have
teared up and hated myself more for being different. Today, I just
stood there realizing what a pigheaded, narrow minded prude this
person is. Here I am, a total stranger to him and still have the
nerve to say those things to me. Imagine what the people close to
him would have to deal with on a daily basis. It sucks for them.
That is life. Life sucks a bit for all of us at one time or another.
But don’t let other people dampen your mood or ruin your day.
These people don’t know any better. So let them think whatever
they want. Maybe that’s what makes them happy. Just don’t let
yourself fall victim to shaming. Don’t let what they have to say
dictate what our tomorrow would be. Don’t let them affect how we
want to live our lives. Don’t feel bad about the situation but use
it to your advantage and be the better person. No more sulking or
feeling sorry for yourself. Pity is not a good companion. If we let
these attacks interfere with our lives. They win, we lose. We don’t
want that. Do we?
I
have endured this all my life and then some. It’s a constant
battle that made me tough and sometimes unrelenting. It’s true
what I often say how I am a far cry from who I was decades ago. I’m
not totally proud of that. Being a little less nice isn’t that bad
at all. Now, I’m the kind of person who just doesn’t really care
unless you’re of importance and of great use to me. It may sound
sinister and mean but that’s how I roll now. I don’t concern
myself with all the other nonsensical things out there. I just find
them annoying and very, very tired and exhausting. I came to accept
that these things don’t define us totally. All of these things are
put there to distract us and at the same time teach us. None of
these outside forces can really affect us not unless we let them. I
realized that all I need now is myself and some of the nicest, most
supportive people around me. The rest draws a blur. I don’t think
everybody would agree but it’s where my coping mechanisms has
brought me to. And, it works for me. It has given me a sense of
freedom from judgment and malicious intent. Freedom from evil people,
(smirking) by becoming one. Lol! Just kidding, or am I?
Ever since
I’ve heard of these immortal words uttered by none other than Ms.
Jacklyn Jose, “Kung ikaw bitch, ako super bitch!”, from a movie
I forgot the tittle of. I had an epiphany. It’s very catchy and
very true on my part. Strikes fear among others. I love it. It’s
totally for me. It’s me personified. I slayed my demons by
becoming one. I know it sounds menacing that as if I had become
those who I hate so much before, but no. Being the bitch part is a
retaliation towards those who continuously abuse people like me. I
wanted to show that we are not weak and they should be looking out
for themselves because we just don’t back down that easily. You
have been forewarned. I have the knack for reciprocating deeds. So
if you’re nice then you’ll get nice out of me. If you’re a
bitch then you know what’s coming your way. Nice doesn’t always
cut it nowadays. It helps to have fangs once in a while to fight
your chosen battles. When I say battles, I don’t mean war.
Winning doesn’t always mean getting ahead or causing damage or
destroying somebody.
Winning,
is the triumph against all odds. It’s not about slaying dragons.
But slaying our inner demons. Demons that we sowed ourselves.
Doubts and insecurities that we have let others embed in our
consciousness. Like what I said earlier they won’t be able to
affect us unless we let them. Unless we listen and let that be
ingrained in our being. We still have the last say on things. We
should always remember that. We fight norms, traditions, beliefs
that were imposed upon us. And try to rewrite what is to be the norm
for us and let these individuals see through our eyes. To educate
and let them understand that we are no different. We also demand the
same respect they are accorded for. I had become a bitch to show
them I can stand on my feet and face them head on. Whilst still
maintaining a shred of decency and good sense about me. That is
freedom. Not having to always care what others think of me. Negating
their ability to put me down and hurt me just for being different and
not fitting the flask that I was supposed to fill. Darn it! Not
anymore. I once told some unfavorable person, “Well, that’s
your opinion. Would you care to hear mine?.”
There would always be
an unsavory character always waiting right around the corner. Trust
me, we will never run out of those in our lives and in the next.
It’s just a matter of facing each one of them with such class and
topnotch breeding and dignity. You don’t have to listen to
everything they say but just take in what you think would matter in
you life. Whatever hurtful thing they say, it still requires your
wholehearted permission for it to mean anything. Listen to those
people who love you and of great significance to you. For they are
the only ones who know you through and through. And of course listen
to what you have to say. Like what Queen Cat said, “...always look
for the silver lining....” Whatever mean, derogatory things we
hear aimed at us. That doesn’t define us. We know ourselves more
that anybody else. Turn every scorching word into something positive
that you can live with. Now I know me better. Now I can move
forward confident that whatever I do next is all up to me. All the
negative stuff along the way will never ever define me but teach me
valuable lessons which I could learn from. Talk about my silver
lining there. Lol! Freedom is at your grasp. It’s up to you when
to seize it.
