Linggo, Hunyo 22, 2014

Ways On How To Shut Up An Obnoxious Person

       I'm the kind of person who doesn't really care most of the time. Who easily gets bored especially if I don't like the person I'm talking to. And for most of the time doesn't really care for stuff that doesn't concern me. So I have my ways for silencing people who I don't want to converse with anymore than I like to strangle somebody. Seriously, there are those that just couldn't shut it. Those that love the attention, they just talk others to boredom and apparent annoyance. Sometimes going on and on about the same topic over and over again. Drives you to madness and obscurity. Obnoxious fellows who I dare not name. And dare not be caught in a conversation with. People who think that what they have to say is far more important than anything there is. Persistent, egoistical, blabbering globs commonly followed by indistinct buzzing.
       So here are some effective ways of avoidance and for shutting somebody up to save yourself from relentless bugging and buzzing.

Busy as a Bee

       Pretend you have a lot to do and too preoccupied to even pay attention and listen.
       "OMG! Why is it that I have a lot to do?" (gushing to yourself). "I have to focus. I'm getting nowhere near finishing this. I'm so stressed." 

       You say this while you act as if you're doing a lot of stuff all at the same time. You should also look panic stricken and so beside yourself for this to work. The person might even end up helping you. And keep on sighing just to prevent the start of a conversation.

Daydream on...

       You have your attention elsewhere. In deep thought with a distinct look of fantasm. Or in a place so far, far away. Even if you can hear everything coming out of their singular mouth.

       Silence.... Throw in some grunts and soft sighs. And don't forget that faraway look.

       You should display a vacant expression as if lost in your own thoughts of love and fairies and happily ever afters.


       Just nod, say yes or agree to everything and whatever they have to say. Don't offer lengthy comments. Limit them to monosyllabic responses. Lengthy replies would just boost them and fuel their drive to talk more. Short responses would only signify lost of interest and boredom. So eventually they will get tired and pissed then shut up.

      "Ahhhh... Yah.; Yup; Yes; Nice; Really?; Really nice.; Great!; Awesome!; Wow!," so on and so forth.

       You should have an almost fake smile plastered on your face and all too eager nod to accompany each affirmation. And an all too solemnly sad face if it's something tragic he/she's talking about. Key here is to exaggerate. Exaggeration may cause annoyance and that will be the end of a tragic, ear splitting narrative.

Hello Telephone

       Pretend you are talking on the phone and need to go elsewhere for privacy. The reception is bad and you need to find some signal. You are expecting a call at any moment and the signal is bad that you have to leave in search of a better signal bearing place so far off. Again there is a need for sublime exaggeration. Be comical if need be.

       "Hello, hello... I'm losing you. Dyan kapa ba? The reception is crappy. Do you hear me? You still there? Choppy, choppy...." "Walang signal. I'm expecting a call. Wait lang ha, hanap lang ako ng signal."

       It's lame I know but works with a smile towards your bubbling, twitting friend.   

Restroom Break/May I Go Out

       Fake a need to go to the restroom. Works all the time. Just be fancy with the reason for doing so. Hint on a worse case scenario about to happen if you don't go. An impending pee fest, a diarrhea about to unleash its full wrath. Accompanied with constant grunting and cramps, the likes.


      Suddenly open a topic on which he/she isn't well versed with or have no idea about. That would definitely shut them up. Giving you the power to return the compliment by talking too much. That would make them realize that what they're doing isn't acceptable and humane.
       Or it can be you who's the puzzled one. You can pretend that you know nothing of the topic at hand and just be dumb about it. This would cause sudden irritation on the part of the ever so talkative person. Ending the supposed to be long and tiring tirade.
       In order for this to work, you should look a quite uncertain and a blank 'what the hell are you talking bout' kind of look. Ask obvious questions and repeatedly nag the person of a question that would make them end up to be lost in translation themselves. Crafty.    


       Divert their attention onto something else as trivial as they may come. Or to somebody they'll probably or more likely to talk to. Relinquishing their attention and transferring it to that very unlucky person. Giving you leverage to just butt in from time to time instead of constantly quacking and gawking at the person. And the chance to edge out of the conversation and be totally out of it. Better them than you. It can be tiring to be so eager and  to look interested and highly conversant even if you wanted to do otherwise. It's relinquished burden.

Deaf Defying Act

       When they start on something, pretend you haven't heard them the first time. And constantly do it again and again. Thus, giving them the idea that you're not paying attention to what they're saying. Deeming what they have to say unimportant and irrelevant to you. That alone would make them think that you're not worth hearing whatever they have to say however cliche it is.

       "What? Didn't hear you the first time." "What's that again? I wasn't paying attention." "Really? Really? Seriously? Come on?"

       Questions like these would surely frustrate the person leaving you to your own thoughts. Not your fault since you are more deaf than a legit deaf person. It's hard to beat a dramatic, expertly put scene.


       As soon as your friend opens their mouth. Beat them to the punch by appearing dreamy and full of secrets. Wet their appetite by hinting on a secret that you don't have the liberty to tell. Be overly dramatic on refusing their request for a juicy tidbit. So just sashay your way into amorphous, flowery interlude and then divulge nothing in the end. Let them wait and suffer. Come up with colorful reasons on why you can't tell a soul about your scoop. This will turn you into the star and that defeats their purpose of purposefully edging themselves into the spot light. This will totally drive them crazy, pissed at you. Ending something that was supposed to have suck the life out of you.    
       So there you go... a few easy ways to cast a stopper into those hungry, word vomiting friends and foes. Just be classy and convincing with an edge of  sarcasm and they will definitely work wonders.          


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