Unfriend You

      So it's over, we're through. So I'll unfriend you.... This has been my favorite song for a while. I literally listen to it and enjoy Greyson Chance's cute voice whenever I do my weekly routine, which is unfriending people. It's my theme song for the said activity. I had posted once on facebook that everything that happens in your life merits a perfect song like in the movies. Real life is like a movie only more complicated. It may sound mean and incomprehensible but yes I do unfriend people a lot.

      I unfriend friends, ignore friend requests, add friends just to be able to unfriend them after several days and worst of all is that I screen people. Classifying them as friendlies or bitches. I'm not judgmental or maybe I am, it's just so happens that I have trust issues and great intuition. This is who I am today, a far cry from who I was years back.

      Once upon a time... there lived a nice kid with great potential, that kid was the old me. I was reared in an environment that taught me to be nice and appreciative of small stuff. I was the kind who wanted to please everybody and do what I was told. Safe to say I was a kiss ass. As soon as I entered school, I was the nicest, most behaved kid in class. Teachers love me and my classmates adored and respected me. But people have their dark sides, and I'm no exception. High school came and I was faced with a much varied assortment of classmates. All from different walks of life and backgrounds, with that came different attitudes. The disease of trying to fit in swept over me and I did what I was good at, be friendly. I did successfully do that for I was a chameleon and the only one who managed to go around the different groups they fondly call cliques. I learned a lot from going around. Gossips, classmates they hate, crushes and all the sordid stuff. As a nice person, I absorbed all these crap and kept them to myself from fear of being accused a back stabber and a two faced dog. I love secrets. Harboring them is a lot of fun. Just having the knowledge that you have something that would make people fly and do just what you want. To have something you can use against somebody when the right time comes. Holding people hostage just because they had committed the blunder of telling you their dirt. I know it sounds sinister and morbid but secrets are like that if entrusted to the wrong people. Moving on... well I'm not that kind. I'm the kind that even if I'm aware what they can do for me, I still keep them to myself. Even if I have trust issues, I pride myself in saying people can trust me. That's why friends do come and pour their hearts out because they know and I know that everything they tell me will remain confidential for as long as they want them to be. Your secret is safe with me; this is one of my most beloved motto in life together with my old time favorite, 'Time is gold'. I live by it because I do believe that it's not my secret to tell in the first place. The person, the bearer of the secret,  has the sole right to divulge it to the public at the most convenient time for them. Enough of secrets, let's go back to me being bad. By the end of HS while I was preoccupied with my college applications and entrance exams. I began looking deeper into people and found myself creating constructive criticisms in my head. Not that I'm perfect, because nobody is and that is a fact. Everybody came under close scrutiny and began identifying real friends from plastics. This was all handled under great discretion. I have segregated people I know as friends and pretend friends. By the end of the school year I was all too happy and excited to start a new chapter in  my life. I have already picked friends with whom I'll stay in touch with and those I'll bid 'au revoir', goodbye.

      From then on I had this thing of quietly assessing new acquaintances and surprisingly so, I was able to really tell if I'm gonna get along with them or not. Boastful, so self assured, untrustworthy, bossy, snooty bitches don't get the cut. Still, years of being nice and growing up that way, surfaces and I do as much as give them respect and a much deserved courtesy. In short I still treat them cordially apart from the fact that I don't like them at all. Sometimes I think to myself what a big fat pretentious hypocritical prick I am. But everything I do, I do for a reason. That is, I don't want to hurt people in a way that would surface as rejection. Who wants to be rejected? Not me. It's hard to deal with that even if people do say that it's okay, it's really not. It always leaves a scar. So I do everything I can to minimize conflict and make people happy.

      Nowadays, it has gotten worse and weirder. Back when I was nicer, I give it time before I dismiss people as unfriendlies but now the instant I meet you and lay my eyes on you, a mechanism in my head will turn and readily tell me which classification you fall into. Call me brutal but I can't help it. When I meet somebody I instantly go, I like this person or think that there is something off with this person that he/she's trying so hard to mask. First impressions for me are all that matters for somebody to be my friend or not. But the question is, do I get it correct all the time? The answer to that is no. Sometimes even if it pains me to admit, I do get it wrong at times. And all they have to do is prove me wrong and tell me what a sour trout I am. I've been told that I'm snobbish and sometimes a bitch by my friends (not in a bad manner but in a joking kind of way) and I do try to live up to it in a way. I love being perceived as that.

      How I treat unfriendlies is rather different. I try to remain civil and do try my hardest to show them the same courtesy I show my real friends. I'm totally polite and try to somehow show them that I'm a good enough person not to be brusque and prude. My friend's term for it is being choosy. I'm choosy in a lot of ways. Now I've proven time and again how choosy I am. A slight infringement could render you unfriended just like that, a click and then nada. Trust is the main feature in a friendship and when it's gone no way will it ever work. It applies not only to friends but to all sorts of relationships known to man. My being choosy extends to events I attend. I don't go to parties when there is at least one unfavorable person in attendance. Friends who know me well would tell me those in the guest list in advance so I could at least weigh my options in attending. My reason is solely that you go out to enjoy. So how in the world will you be able have fun if there is an unfriendly creature hovering about. Yes, I'm finicky when it comes to the company I keep. I want to be surrounded by real friends not phony ones who talk shit behind your back and grabs every opportunity to put you down. My being picky is not a bad thing if you look at it closely. When people do things differently, it doesn't make it wrong. All you have to do is ask and try to understand what their reasons are behind their actions. In my case lack of trust and my high end intuition is to be accounted for. We can never really understand or explain the workings of the human mind. We are all different one way or the other. So we're left with the task of learning how to deal with all the eccentricities and as much as possible try to understand and respect the way others choose to lead their lives.

      And as my life goes on, I continue to unfriend friends, ignore friend requests, screen acquaintances, avoid unfavorable things, and act cordial to those that I don't give a damn. That's life. So suck it up and try to live with it.